Give a Jew girl toys

From Jewtastic (via Jewschool):

Sarah Silverman is a real treat in the world of Jewish comedy, mainly 'cos she's not afraid to tackle subjects like The Holocaust, her doctor and 'er other issues including why does Santa not give Jews toys.

So she can be rude and offensive to some, but at the same time, she also totally rocks and we all love Ms Silverman. Her latest movie, well more of her in concert being filmed is Jesus is Magic. And like everything else that she seems to do, it's a work of sheer genius.

But it's her latest video, Give The Jew Girl Toys that is like, well the best Xmas type song a Jew girl has ever sung.

Forget Adam Sandler and his rather tired Chanukah Song, this is the song for everyone to take ownership of. Maybe it will make sure that all nice Jewish girls finally get a toy from Santa.

Click here and enjoy Thanks to Jewschool for that awesome link.

Comments

[Lior]

Dear Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.

yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,

Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!

Santa
__________

Dear Santa,

I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!

Love,

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?

Santa
__________

Dear Santa,

I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do?

Love,

Teddy

Dear Teddy,

Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Legos instead.

Santa
__________

Dear Santa,

I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.

Love,

Armstrong

Dear Armstrong,

Who names their kid "Armstrong" nowadays? I bet you're gay, I'll set you up with a Barbie.

Santa
__________

Dear Santa,

I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.

Love,

Susan

Dear Susan,

Milk gives me the runs and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch.

Santa
__________

Dear Santa,

What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?

Your friend,

Thomas

Dear Thomas,

All the toys are made in China by political prisoners who are being rehabilitated. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.

Santa
__________

Dear Santa,

Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?

Love,

Jessica

Dear Jessica,

Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.

Santa

P.S. I'm not gay, just into brunettes.
__________

Dear Santa,

I really, really, want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE, PLEASE could I have one?

Timmy

Timmy,

That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.

Santa
__________

Dearest Santa,

We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home?

Love,

Marky

Mark,

First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window.

Sweet Dreams,

SANTA CLAWS!!!!

__________

Dear Father Christmas,

You won't know me and you never visited me before because we're Jewish and instead of Christmas, we celebrate Hanukkah. All the other kids get toys at Christmas and I was just wondering, if it's all the same to you, if you could leave me just one small present as you fly in your sleigh over my house this year?

Shalom,

David

Dear David,

If you celebrate Hanukkah instead of Christmas, your parents won't have lied to you about a fat, old man who can't possibly visit all the children in the world in one night and conjure up presents out of nowhere by so called magic. You won't have been bribed and blackmailed all year into being well behaved in case I don't visit you. And you won't weep for me the day you finally come to realize that it is your mommy and your daddy who leave those presents for you and not I. At least you won't be disappointed because you didn't get the toys you so longed for. I am very sorry that I can't leave a present for you, but, so very special as you are, I'm not supposed to exist. But when you are lighting your menorah during the eight days of Hannukah in memory of your ancestors who fought and gained their freedom all those many, long years ago, look into the candle flame and ask yourself what magic you see. It is the Light. And that is the most precious gift ever given to a little boy. If you can only see it now, it will always burn before you as you grow, and it will forever be your guide as a man. Use it wisely.

With love,

Matityahu, Father of the Maccabees

[rachel]

Check out Judah Friedlander's newly released holiday clip on his web site: http://www.judahfriedlander.com/video.html#

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